Today I felt like crying, and I did. I can sense the end of my journey here in Japan, and this saddens, confuses and frightens me. I already strained myself by coming to a foreign country and got settled just enough to feel the calm water with my big toe. I already experienced a wave of change, and I am not looking forward to getting pushed over by another one. Reverse culture shock I hear is the absolute worst, and me, being the deep and sensitive person that I am, I assume will get hit with it like a tsunami. Perhaps the main lesson will not emerge in the time that I am in Japan, but when I reevaluate my life upon returning to America. (Lookout for a blog on this later). Departure from Japan lingering over my head adds more intensity to my daily worries. My mind is flooded with the papers that I have to write, the Japanese presentation that I have to give, the internships that I have to apply for, planning my field research, fitting in last minute trips and getting a decent amount of rest so that I can enjoy it all. As I write the list of my stresses they seem silly, but the feeling of anxiety that I get when I think about this bundle of responsibilities I know is not. The video below is a TEDx Talk spoken by Rachel Brathen, who is a motivational speaker, activist, yogi and human. This video encouraged me to speak the truth publicly. I understand that these feelings of stress and sadness will pass, but I decided that I would share my not so positive thoughts in an attempt to make people feel connected and not just envious or temporarily inspired as it is so easy to do through social media. I deleted my Instagram and Snapchat about a year ago and only kept Facebook for important contact purposes. The response I got from friends for deleting these social media accounts was dramatic and overwhelming. People were trying to talk me in to reinstalling my Instagram and Snapchat daily. To them I was naked without it, and let me tell you, this feeling was oh, so freeing! I deleted these accounts because I felt pressured to maintain the image that I had been creating. The things that I posted were not lies; however, they did not encompass the entirety of my being, only the shiny side. Using these sites in the way that most do, I started to feel the need to keep up with "who I was" rather than just being it. Because I was feeling this, I knew something was not right. Now, I have this blog as a platform to express what is real, and I will not allow a false image to arise again. Overstimulation from daily life can be beautiful, provoking and transformative, and other times it can make for one messy day. I am a student living in Japan who has really good days often, but today was not one of them. You can catch me here, on The Olive Pit, riding the waves of change. Please comment below if you would like to leave suggestions for future blog posts, or just to say hello.
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Kyoto, JapanArchives |